“I really hope this baby gets to come live with us!” And with that, my sweet 4 year old summed up all of the feels that come with a pregnancy after loss.
We are thrilled to share that baby #3 is on its way; words I honestly wrestled with the possibility of over the last few months. But God is good. And even though this next chapter of our story has been written to include a new baby, He would have been good even if it didn’t. Actually, especially if it didn’t.
As I sit here with my journal, I really don’t know what to say. Our family is beyond excited. Audrey Nole has told anyone that will listen that there’s a new baby coming. {apologies if the HVAC tech found out before you… 4 year olds don’t keep secrets very well} In SO many ways, I’m so thankful for her joy and excitement. It helps me realize what a big deal this really is. It also forces me to celebrate this new life growing inside me. It would be easy to fall back into all the emotions from the end of my pregnancy with George. I imagine there will be plenty of moments of terror or worry. But the daily, almost hourly reminder, that this baby is growing in my womb, and the excitement that comes with what that means, is a true gift from God.
As we spent the last several months in debate over what God had in store for us, for our family, I found myself most often asking for one thing: that should we end up pregnant again, the pregnancy would be stress free and as uncomplicated as possible. I know that probably sounds cliche. Doesn’t everyone want that? Except I need that. And so I boldly asked. I prayed with deep desire that if God granted us a third child, that it would be able to be as normal as if we hadn’t lost an infant child. As normal as if we hadn’t had a traumatic and stressful diagnosis and monitoring. Simple, uncomplicated, and normal.
So far, I am SO THANKFUL for the grace to be enjoying myself. For the lack of fear over the what ifs. To daydream about nursery themes and all the baby items that we have to begin accumulating. It is not lost on me that I am excited and only slightly nervous. That is a gift from my Good Father. Because there is no earthly/logical reason why I shouldn’t be terrified. And yet, all I want is a good nap and to bask in the joy and excitement of this precious life; and maybe a slightly less nauseous first (and second) trimester.
Just as writing was healing during those months and years leading up to and since George Mason’s day, I think this journal will be an outlet for all the things and all the feels of this pregnancy. I’m not sure what that’s going to look like, but I’m hoping you will follow along and cover us in prayer as we wait for and prepare for this precious life.
Baby McGough, we are so thrilled for your life and cannot wait to meet you! I promise that I will do my best to make sure your very excited big sister doesn’t smother you too badly.
“Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.” Romans 12:12