We went to church today. Even typing that out feels so weird because it's such a normal, we go every Sunday, thing to do. It's strange that it was such a big emotional step but I've honestly been dreading it. Thankfully God is gracious and loving. The call to worship made so much sense for me today, it was almost as if they had been written just for me to hear; and when I really think about it, it's amazing that God's word, written so many years ago, is so particularly wonderfully specific today.
"Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant." - Psalm 119:76
"For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory." - 2 Corinthians 1:20
Sunday worship is always an emotional experience for me but has gotten more so in the last couple years. I seriously love praising loud and pouring my heart out to God through song. My mama was the same way and I see it in Audrey too. That child gets wiggling when she hears the music and even though she doesn't know the words, she sings loud and proud. It makes me so happy to include her and share with her that part of my spiritual journey. It is also so so good to get back into the practice of worship; I haven't been especially interested in offering praises lately but I've been longing for that specific connection with my Savior.
As we were singing today, I kept going back to February 10th. I don't know exactly why each song brought up memories and I don't even remember which things I was remembering, but I know that God was acknowledging my prayers to not forget and He was doing so through one of my most favorite actions of loving Him. - my chains are gone, I've been set free, my God my Savior has ransomed me - my precious son has been set free! He is no longer a sick baby in a broken world but instead has a new body in heaven because of the ransom that was paid for his life all those centuries ago. - and like a flood, His mercy reigns, Unending love, Amazing grace - Unending love... wow! What a God I serve, that even though I'm struggling with His goodness, His love is unending and His grace abounds beyond my comprehension. Thankfully, my son is not the only one who is set free. I’m also a recipient of that same freedom, mine just looks different today and until we are reunited at the feet of Jesus. My freedom today is loving my son even though he didn’t come home with me. My freedom today is knowing without a doubt that my son is in THE BEST hands possible and is loved way more by his savior than I could ever fathom loving. My freedom today is being able to rest in the words of 2 Corinthians, knowing that God’s promises will be fulfilled. My freedom today is being able to cry out in the pain of losing my son and knowing that I am never outside of the scope of my God’s unending love and amazing grace.