Yesterday marked 8 months since George Mason’s day. It also marked the first time in those 8 months that I wasn’t haunted all day by the fact it was the 10th. It’s not been an easy 8 months. Honestly, it’s not been a very easy 2 years. Even on the very best of days my heart is broken so deeply. I’m very thankful for the moments when life seems normal again. I’m thankful for the fact that yesterday wasn’t a downer. I’m thankful that in the midst of this sorrow, there are things that can excite me enough to distract me, even if momentarily, from all the reminders that George should be here.
We sold our house and are in the process of a buying a new one. Yesterday, we met with a contractor about making this new house ours. It was a much anticipated meeting. It was the time when I got to throw all of my big dreams for what our home should look like out into space. Yesterday, October 10, was the only day this contractor could meet. I know that many people would call that coincidence, but I’ve come to realize that it was a very special gift from a God who loves and cares for me very deeply. The only opening on the calendar was the day that I always dread. The meeting that I so anticipated and that ultimately brought so much joy, just happened to be on the one day each month that usually has me in tears. My mom would’ve called that a kiss from God. I’m going to take it.
I know that as time moves forward there will be more and more days where I almost forget that I miss my son. I know that time is healing the wounds and fading the scars that were left behind when George Mason died. I know these things and sometimes they feel like good things to know and sometimes it just feels wrong. It fills me with guilt when I think about the days that I don’t miss him actively in every second. But when I step outside of the irrationality of sorrow, of grief, of a broken heart, I realize that God has got this. He will never let me forget my son. He gave me my son. So today, instead of letting guilt win the battle to occupy my mind, I’m going to rest in the arms of my gracious Heavenly Father. I’m going to be thankful for the gift I received yesterday and I’m going to celebrate my son’s life and salvation. I’m not going to be afraid of what time is going to do to my memories of my son. I’m not going to be afraid of living this life without him. I’m simply going to keep living for Jesus and thanking my God for the precious gift of George Mason.