Today is the 2 year anniversary of my mamas heavenly birthday. The grief I experience over her death seems clouded this year because of the more recent storm in my life but I miss her all the same. I know that her life, and then death, shaped the woman I am today. She was strong. Strong willed, strong in her faith, strong in accomplishing her desires, and strong in motherhood. I learned what it looks like to be unwavering in your faith as I watched her battle cancer. There was nothing that was going to defeat her God, my God. She knew that cancer would probably take her life here on earth, it's a nasty part of this broken world, and she knew that but she still claimed Jesus loud and honestly. She knew that even though cancer, in all of its horrible ways, was going to stop her beating heart, she also knew something so much more important: Christ defeated death so that she could live beyond the beats of her heart and beyond the air in her lungs.  

I watched my mama's relationship with her savior and how open she was about it. She made sure we could see through her actions that she served a good good Father. She made sure we could hear through her words that we are loved by the Wonderful Counselor. She made sure that we felt Gods faithfulness in our lives through her the prayers only a mother can pray for her children. I miss her today and everyday but I'm so thankful to be her daughter. She was a witness in my life of a steadfast God who is for us. 

As I process the life and death of my precious son, I can't help but think about what my mama would say. She would tell me this sucks. She would curse with me and cry with me. She would tell me she loves me and she hurts with me but that God loves me and hurts with me even more. She would remind me that God lost his Son and He has felt all the pain I'm feeling. She would also remind me that because of that sacrifice, the ultimate sacrifice, my George Mason is now in heaven and his body is no longer hurting. Instead of being hooked up to tubes and monitors, fighting for his life, he is worshipping his savior in a place where there is no pain. 

I miss my mama. I miss my son. Those two things seem too big and too painful to deal with. Thankfully, even though they seem enormous and overwhelming for me, they are not too big for my God. He will continue to comfort me and give me the strength I need to get through each day. I'm heartbroken today and everyday but my God is for me, with me, loves me, and continues to comfort me.  Happy Heavenly birthday, mama. Hold my sweet baby tight and give him a kiss from his mama. 

"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." - Psalm 34:17