I keep thinking about that John Piper quote about infant loss. He presented this idea that George Mason's life, his precious life, was all for the glory of God and that his work on earth, even though completed in only 16 hours, was bigger and more impactful than any person can even imagine. And that if I think otherwise, I'm being foolish. I certainly don't think my sons life was anything but for Gods glory. I know that. The part that really strikes me and calms me is that his work was complete. That even though this beautiful infant little boy only lived for 16 hours, he worked for Gods glory and finished what God had for him here. 

"Gods designs for [George Mason] were decided before he was born. [16 hours] of that work were on the earth; the rest will be in heaven. None of us can even begin to estimate the magnitude of either. Who knows what has been set in motion on earth by the birth, and death, and life of [George Mason]. It would be wild and unwarranted folly to think he has not changed the world." - John Piper on infant loss

As I think more about those bittersweet 16 hours, I realize that George Mason has really changed my life forever. Not only is he my son and loved as such, but he has changed and shaped my interactions, my relationship with God. I will never be the same because of his life. My love for my Savior has grown bigger because my son lived. Not because he died, because that really sucks. No, because he lived when he shouldn't have. Because when all of the doctors were scratching their heads that this little fighter was going to be born, God knew. He was doing it all. God promises throughout the Bible that He is going to be true to His Word and he will be steadfast and faithful. He also shows us that He is going to finish what He starts. For my son, that was 16 hours on this earth, hooked to tubes and fighting for his life. It was witnessing to the doctors and nurses of that NICU through his miraculous life. 

I don't know what God has started with and for me or how He plans to finish it but I know it's there. That He's working. He's working through this grief. He's working through this clouded lens of sorrow. He's working through the pain I feel when I think about my son. He's working in spite of and despite all the things the broken world throws at Him. He is working in and through my life and one day that work is going to be complete. Then I will go and be with my Savior,and my son, in eternity. Until then, I'm going to keep digging deeper into the character of my Savior. I'm going to savor His promises and love others the way I see He loves me. I'm going to need help. I'm not going to be perfect. I'm probably not even going to be good at it but I'm going to do it. Gods love has been overwhelming and I want to share it. 

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. -Hebrews 10:23

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion
at the day of Jesus Christ. -Philippians 1:6