A year ago, today, I shared some of the emotions from when we first learned that George Mason was sick. I’m really glad I wrote some of those memories and feelings down, because so often the details of that pregnancy and the months of worry are just lost or really vague. But more so, I’m thankful for a record of the things that got me through each day as I navigated those first weeks and months without our son. A verse from Isaiah was the focus. Talking about how God never grows tired or weary. Those words were a comfort a year ago, but as I read them today, they felt incredibly reassuring. It’s no secret that I haven’t been sleeping or that my mind and body are tired. Knowing that God isn’t tired of sustaining me. Knowing that He isn’t tired of loving me. Knowing that He will not grow weary in the waiting for me to stop being angry/frustrated/disappointed. Knowing. What a reassurance for this broken hearted and tired mama.
"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength." - Isaiah 40:28-29
As I read those words over and over, it’s easy to see (and feel) that God hasn’t stopped and won’t stop. It’s easy to admit that He will - and has - follow through with his promise to not grow weary or faint. But there’s something else. There’s more. “His understanding is unsearchable” and “to him who has no might he increases strength” ... there’s a whole lot of power in this words. Even in my most tired, literal exhaustion, my God is going to increase my strength. And when I don’t want to talk to him, or pursue him, he will understand and will love me anyway. Because his love for me isn’t dependent on anything about me. It just is. And it’s perfect.